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I assumed I must have missed class the day one’s purpose was doled out
Sad and miserable to be left behind
I put on a brave face
Faking that where I am is where I am supposed to be
So no one would discover the truth
I had no fucking clue

Eventually, I starting cracking at the seams
The charade became harder to maintain
The disconnect between my life and my elusive purpose became more obvious

Step One – removing others’ expectations
That was a doozy
Thick layers of socialization and conditioning
Quite difficult to strip away
I was a disastrous mess there for a while
But deconstruction always is

Step Two – tune in
To myself, to a higher power
Turning off my oh-so-knowing mind
Listening instead to the still, small voice within
Squelched for decades by the bullying thoughts racing in my head

Even then, still searching for my purpose
Ok, so I now know what NOT to do
What am I TO do then?

A lightbulb moment
Simple questions, looking for trends
My own words, put together into something – profound
Personal and perfectly… me

I begin looking for moments
When that can be felt, observed, lived
A new fascination: where can I steal joy from an otherwise mundane day?
Little moments of fulfillment
Not the brass ring of achievement

Word to the wise –
This version of life is a ton more work
No one to look over your paper
Make sure you got the answers right
You’re just… winging it
Doing your best

Walking around in the dark
Arms cautiously outstretched
Trying to avoid bumping into things
Everything feels uncertain, a little scary

Eventually, my eyes got accustomed to the dim
Moving about with a tad more confidence
A path starting to become more familiar

Funny thing about this part
It’ll throw you for a loop, regularly
Just when you think you’ve got the hang of things
Another adventure awaits around the corner

Over and over, the cycle continues
So if you are looking for predictable and controllable
This is not your ride
If you are looking for fulfillment and constant surprise
Welcome to the party

The Universe is always cooking up something unexpected
But the rewards are so worth it

 

 

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