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Fear. Of. Disappointing. Others.
I’m making this a thing
For my fellow people pleasers
Co-dependents
I really needed this acronym
Maybe you can use it, too

There I was
In an emotional rough spot
Again
And I was torn –
Between two things

One was merely a safe space
Where I can simply be me
The other was also a loving space
But likely would require a bit more from me

I’d made plans
People were expecting me
I hadn’t communicated
I wasn’t acting responsibly
I was disappointing someone

My reaction was to drop everything
Soothe, smooth
Assuage the emotions, the situation
Make it right for them
To relieve my guilt

But I didn’t have it in me
I was spent
So I sat still
SUPER uncomfortable
And I let myself choose me

Felt like I was dying inside
It was so painful
I apologized but was still unsettled
I kept mentally recalculating
How can I make it up to them?
Endlessly assessing my options

But ya know what?
They’ll survive
I have established a good track record
Being there – steady, consistent
I’m not less of a friend
For changing my mind
Even if it inconveniences another

This is so much harder with a friend than a lover
Girl Code is something I have put on a pedestal
Unfairly so, I think

I don’t owe anyone anything
I choose me
Over and over again

And some days it is painful
To leave that familiar place
That no longer serves me

I presume this will get easier with time
But right now, it’s still hard
And that’s ok
I can handle uncomfortable things

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