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No distractions, no commitments
I feel like a crazy person
I don’t know who I am without a schedule
I have no idea what my future holds
And some days
This is really heavy

I want to reach out to friends
But judge myself for being weak
And instead suffer alone

Always willing to be an ear for someone else
But still afraid to put my own guard down
What am I doing?

I have the time
I should be sorting things out
There’s that word: should

My intention was to rid myself of the should’s
But I don’t know what to replace them with

How much longer will time stand still?
Can I really just stand here and do nothing
And hope the universe will drop the answers in my lap?
I feel so lost
None of the old rules apply anymore
I have no idea how to play this game
I want to sob, but no tears will come

I’m not ok today

Time passes
I rise and start walking
And I ask God: what’s the lesson here?
He led me to the water
A blank slate – serenity
Bubbles – playful
And then deep water, up to my knees
Out of my depth
Genuine laughter erupts from me
Ok God, got the point

I cannot maintain all of this
I need to clear to make room

Got it

Thank you

 

 

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