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Been pondering this concept for a while
Challenging old stories, paradigms
I used to keep myself small, safe
Palatable
Easy-going to a fault
Inconceivable that someone could think ill of me
I’d generic’d myself down that far

Slowly, parts of me that had been in a deep slumber, awakened
Being vanilla wasn’t cutting it anymore
Perhaps I don’t have to dumb myself down so much
Maybe I’m likable as I am
Maybe I can actually take up some space here

So I’ve been testing the waters
Drawing some boundaries
Clumsily at times, but persisting nonetheless
Being a little “extra” when the mood strikes
Feeling this out

It’s a bit awkward at times
The guide rails aren’t clearly defined
I get pangs of insecurity
Fear of rejection creeps up
My default withdrawal instinct kicks in
But I ease back, sitting in that fear
Reaching out for reassurance if needed
Or let it ride, and allow myself to soothe my own nerves
Each cycle through this process emboldening me further
Getting more comfortable, confident
And wiser each time, learning nuance
How to speak up with kindness
Retaining empathy while growing in self confidence

I would much rather be deeply adored than generally liked
How beautiful to flip that switch
Leaning into the authentic and rejecting the facade

I’m taking up space now
I’ve granted myself permission to be myself fully
I choose with whom and how I do so
I’m content not being everyone’s cup of tea
I’m a hand crafted cup of coffee person anyway

 

 

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