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Working to solve a problem with another
We are both applying our full selves to the solution
Head, heart, soul, Source
Glimpses come, we lean in
Trying something new here, testing there
Eureka moments happen with some regularity
Keeping the process fun while challenging

It’s when this process hits personal stuff
That’s when the real work happens

When I read or hear a phrase uttered
And my heart stops beating

Panic
Freeze
Triggered

This is the moment
This is the work

I should have known that, done something about that
I’m an idiot
Shame
The spiral familiar and swift
Within an instant, I see despair ahead

Thankfully, in this particular moment
I am alone and have a moment
A moment to pause
To sit in my discomfort
To allow all of those awful thoughts and feelings to happen
Just mindful enough to remember to not hang out or linger
Letting it flow

It’s uncomfortable, very
But didn’t take me out completely
I’m somber, but curious
So that’s still a thing, huh? Ok
Thought we were doing good
Appears we still have more work to do there

Always disappointed in these moments
Thought I’d arrived already
A gentle, playful admonishment
Me to me
Really? You thought you were done?

Ironic that my trigger was about forgetting
And the recovery from being triggered…?
Realizing I forgot triggers would still be coming
Being compassionate to myself in my disappointment

That is the work
That right there
Treating myself like I would someone I care about
Directing my kindness to me

If I do nothing else today
That right there is good work

 

 

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