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In isolation I feel confident
Sure of myself
Secure in thought
Solid ability to be both vulnerable and draw healthy boundaries

When the merry-go-round of life starts to slowly move again
How will I respond
When the busyness of life resumes as well?
Will my actions match my well-formed words?
Can I hold my own when back in the company of others?

My biggest fears in life –
Messing up
Embarrassing someone
Disappointing another

When the culmination of weeks and weeks of anticipation finally happens
Will I be as awesome as I’ve built myself up to be?

Life feels like it’s been in a cocoon of late
And I’ve grown ever so slightly trepidatious of what’s outside
This ooey gooey crystalis of transformation
This is my new normal
I’m afraid I won’t be all that beautiful of a butterfly
All this fucking work
And maybe I won’t be that remarkable after all

That would be a disappointment
To me
Because I’ve got very high hopes
I would be embarrassed
Because I want to see greatness from me
I don’t want to mess this up
Because I’m counting on me

To be something
To do something
Fantastic
Meaningful
Important

Honestly, I don’t even know what that is yet
But I can faintly taste it
And that mere hint of flavor
Is everything

 

 

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